This is a list of of
famous people that have died as a result of (fire) ant attacks followed by their
dying words:
Abraham Lincoln (Stupid
Civil War, I wish somebody would just kill me)
John F. Kennedy (Oh ouch
aw dang *#@$! Stupid fire ants!)
Julius Caesar (Atu antus?)
Ant
Facts

Fire ants are
given that name because their venom is flammable at a low temperature (99.6°F,
one degree hotter than average body temperature), which means that if your body
overheats (such as while playing Football) you may actually catch on fire.
Fire ants are
actually made of concentrated fire. However, the heat is retained and does not
escape from the body very easily.
Some fire ants
actually reside in the mantle of the earth, these are twice as strong as the
average ant. Also, it is estimated that around fifty ants live in the core.
Almost impervious to damage, these will pose the greatest threat in the final
years of the war.
Fire ants can
travel at speeds up to thirty miles per hour and can jump twenty feet, making
them the ultimate land predator. Some believe that they also have flame breath
and laser beam eyes.
Fire ants are
responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire, the persecution of the Christians,
and the Civil War.
Ants are
the greatest threat to humanity's peace. It has been predicted by leading
Antothologist that by the year 2025 we will be engaged in a mortal war with the
ants.
Ant
Fiction

This is to dispel
any myths about ants. Many things that several people believe and accept as fact
are totally untrue.
Ants are not totally
harmless creatures. Even the non-fire ants have the ability to tear through
steel with their mandible jaws of death.
Ants do not live in
independent colonies, every ant hill is linked together to form a vast
underground of ant cities in which they plan their attack on humanity.
All of the ants combined
do not equal the weight of all human beings combined, they in fact equal twice
that of all humans combined.
Stay
Protected

The Ant Wars of
2025 will most likely result in the death of 2 out of every 3 humans on earth.
The only way to be that third person (the one that doesn't die), is to read and
follow these instructions.
1) Kill all ants you see.
Each twenty ants killed is another human saved. If you kill all the ants in your
neighborhood then you will probably not fall victim.
2) Move out of the Amazon
Rain Forest, that will be the center of their attack. (This doesn't affect
people not living in the Amazon Rain Forest, as they would not be able to follow
this.)
3) Purchase a bear suit,
like that one that can be hit by a three ton car traveling 30 miles per hour.
This will keep the ants out.
4) Stockpile Raid.
5) Pave your lawn. The
ants avoid tunneling through concrete because it's bad for their stomachs. Note
that if angered, they will cut through that concrete like a hot knife through
butter.
6) Read the suggestions
we have on Karber.net that other people have submitted.
7) Donate money to
Karber.net. This won't help you survive that Ant Wars of 2025, but it will allow
us to continue to tell you about it.
Humanities Only Hope

Humanities
only hope to totally wipe out the ant menace is one man: Christopher Walken.
Said to the biggest bad-ass in the entire world, Christopher Walken could easily
save the world from GIANT ants and could even easierly take on small ants.
He was a Bond
villain, which in itself makes him one of the top twenty bad-asses in the world.
He has hosted Saturday Night Live often, and he has starred in many bad-ass
roles as pretty much any character you can imagine. But few know how much of a
bad-ass Christopher Walken really is. It is rumored that he once fought an
entire undead army with arm tied behind his back and didn't even get scratched.
He is humanities
last hope. His address is listed below:
Christopher Walken
142 Cedar Road
Wilton, CT 06897-3631