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The Field Report
  Page 8

  EXPOSING THE DIRT DOCTOR

IN HOWARD'S GARDEN

One of the chief reasons that Howard Garrett, the "Doctor of Dirt," has had so much success is that too few people actually listen to what he has to say and what he writes.   And even fewer of those recognize the contradictions, the exaggerations, and even the absurdities in many of his claims and statements.

Every Sunday, for example, he titles one hour of his call-in radio program "In Howard's Garden" and frequently begins by discussing one or more plants he claims to grow at his Dallas home.  Then, at other times during his radio broadcasts and in his newspaper columns and magazine articles, he also mentions plants that he supposedly has in his home landscape.  If you follow along with all this, keeping tabs, you'll soon come to be amazed at how many plants he can crowd onto an average-size city lot.

Case in point:  During his radio program on Sunday, September 30, 2001, the "Dirt Doctor" exclaimed, "I must have 75 nandinas."  And on Sunday, August 11, 2002, he claimed to have "15 different kinds" of Japanese maples.  Then, on Saturday, May 31, 2003, he said, "My inland sea oats, of which I have a lot of, is forming seed heads right now."   These were but more additions -- albeit substantial ones -- to the growing list of plants he claims to have in his home landscape.

The "Dirt Doctor's" home is a comfortable, single-story house in a quiet, middle class neighborhood.   A paved driveway runs from the street in front, along the west side of the house, through a wooden gate, and into the back yard to a paved parking area, suitable for three cars.  There is no garage or covered carport because his specially designed greenhouse occupies the space where that type of structure would usually be located.  In the back yard, as he tells it, there is also an in-ground swimming pool, a Hot Springs spa, a concrete-floored and enclosed dog run, two compost piles (one in a container), and his daughter's swing set.

On July 20, 2001, the "Dirt Doctor" said that he has 10 trees planted less than seven feet from his home foundation.  Previously, on January 1, 2001, he had made more or less the same claim and had listed those trees, but the number added up to 12, rather than 10.  Through the years, though, he has listed a lot more than 12 trees in his landscape.  In one magazine article, for instance, he listed 22 types of trees and large shrubs that he grows on his property and exclaimed, "Good grief!   No wonder I have too much shade." 

Even so, he once declared, "Most of the leaves on my property come from my neighbor on the east.  But those trees are going downhill, and I'm just gonna let 'em die.  I need the sunshine.  I know they're not listening today because of the bags of leaves stacked up in front of their place."

Of course, it's absolutely certain that his neighbor wasn't listening that day because that statement was complete fiction.  There was no neighbor abutting his property on the east.  The "Dirt Doctor's" lot is on a northwestern corner and backs up to a brushy creek bed.  The nearest house on his east at that time was some 100 yards away, across a short lane that now leads to his northeast into a small gated community of recently constructed houses.  So, at the time, his only adjoining neighbor was on the west side.  Furthermore, there was no sign of any dead or dying trees anywhere in the neighborhood.

To compound these absurdities, he wrote in his newspaper column of August 15, 2003, "We currently have about 20 oaks in our yard.  The neighbors on all sides have many more. About 80 percent of the leaves are mulched into the turf.   The remaining 20 percent are mowed to a fine texture and then put into planting beds."  (Obviously, he's forgotten by this time his statement about most of his leaves coming from that neighbor on the east.)

He also said, on February 15, 2004, "I planted a shantung maple over on my neighbor's property to the east."

"Apparently, the "Dirt Doctor" believes that he has little or no credibility with his audience unless he's "been there, done that."  Hence, he claims to grow enough plants in his home landscape to populate a full-blown arboretum or botanical garden, as evidenced by the following (partial) list of those he has mentioned in recent times.  If nothing else, it's a reasonable indication of where most of his leaves must come from.

TREES: littleleaf linden, bur oak, Texas red oak, live oak, Monterrey oak, chinquapin oak, cedar elm, American elm, eastern red cedars, pond cypress, bald cypress, Montezuma cypress, Chinese pistachio, Eve's necklace, Carolina buckthorn, wax myrtle, sweet myrtle, yaupon holly, possumhaw holly, apricot, Japanese plum, Mexican plum, "red" banana ("two others died because of too much shade"), Mexican buckeye, red buckeye, scarlet buckeye, Japanese maples ("15 different kinds," with "one in a pot in the front yard" and others "all over the place"), 2 Caddo maples, Shantung maple, big tooth maple, paperbark maple, persimmon, redbud, ornamental cherry, wild cherry, black cherry, rusty blackhaw viburnum, native pecan, ginkgo, dogwoods, witch hazel, Texas madrone, apple, pear, fig, pomegranate, jujube, bay tree ("almost 20-feet tall"), smoke tree, serviceberry, Texas ash, Sabal minor, about 15 more oak trees, and Thai lime, Key lime, and other citrus trees in containers.

SHRUBS: azaleas, crape myrtles, agarita, skunk bush, yucca, vitex (chaste tree), Texas kidneywood, Chinese photinia, gardenias, oakleaf hydrangea, mountain laurel, salvia greggii, salvia 'Indigo Spires' and 75 nandinas.

ROSES: Old Blush, Dortmund, Katy Road Pink, La Marne, Lady Banks, Rosa rugosa, Martha Gonzales, and David Austin roses.

MISCELLANEOUS: habañero peppers, chili pequin peppers, jalapeño peppers, bamboo, Turk's cap, Texas Star hibiscus, English ivy, Persian ivy, Virginia creeper (as a ground cover), southern woodfern, Confederate rose, Cashmere bouquet (glory-bower), garlic, garlic chives, peppermint, thyme, lavender, sage, rosemary, oregano, lemon balm, coriander, salad burnet, "various" mints, parsley, stevia, comfrey, lemongrass, lemon verbena, begonias, (large area of) hoja santa, inland sea oats, grapes, blackberries, dianthus, impatiens, marigolds, nasturtiums, purslane, pansies, violets, daylilies, aloe vera, wandering jew, walking onions, houttuynia, kale, ginger, horseradish, turnips, spinach, radishes, tomatoes, Gold Star esperanza, purple hyacinth bean vine, cardinal vine, caladiums, and elephant ears, which he says have naturalized.

This would amount to more than 95 trees (including "at least 20 oaks"), more than 10 types of pure shrubs (including 75 nandinas), at least eight different varieties of roses (one of which, Rosa rugosa, is a species rose that would be a real curiosity in this part of the world), and all sorts of other plants, including some type of herb and vegetable garden and a nursery with "100's of aloe vera plants."  In addition to all that, he has a small, partially sunny front lawn area covered with Saint Augustine grass, dichondra, and a scattering of wild woods violets and false strawberry plants.  (His highly touted buffalo grass has no obvious presence.  Nor is there any sign of the zoysia grass he claims to have.)

Then, on his radio show on May 11, 2003, he said, "I have a dead tree in my yard right now.  I had it planted by someone else."  So, if you believe him, this would mean there is now one less tree.  But what's one tree out of eight dozen on a single city lot?

If you'd like to check all this out, you'll find his home address listed in the Dallas telephone directory.  But, still the question will remain: Why is he so insecure that he finds it necessary to make such claims?